Full Circle

Periodically, PremRawat.com publishes first-person reflections from people around the world who are experiencing the benefits of practicing the techniques of Self-Knowledge as taught by Prem Rawat – a simple way to turn one’s attention from the outside world to a place of inner peace. This month’s reflection is from Irene Zalewska, currently residing in England.

I first heard about Prem Rawat in 1973 when a childhood friend of mine visited me at Essex University after she received Self-Knowledge in London. I felt something very peaceful from her when she spoke about her experience. She was in such a good place in herself.

My friend had always been very frenetic in her energies, rushing at everything, but here she was now – calm, quiet and happy. It was clear to me that something profound had happened to her.

I was interested in what she had to say about her experience of Prem Rawat and Self-Knowledge, but my boyfriend at the time said he would leave me if I got into it. So I did not pursue my initial interest.

Eventually my relationship ended and six years later I found myself living in northwest England. As fate would have it, I ran into a bunch of people who, like my friend, had received Self-Knowledge from Prem Rawat and were really enjoying the experience.

I knew I also wanted to have this
inner experience.

Every night I would listen to them talk about it. It didn’t take long before I knew I also wanted to have this inner experience. In 1979 I went to Edinburgh, Scotland to do just that.

At first, because I have such a mercurial mind, it was difficult for me to practice the techniques of Self-Knowledge. I found myself feeling afraid (of what, I don’t know). However, the more I listened to Prem, the easier it got for me. His words helped me face myself. My life became calmer.

Practicing Self-Knowledge helped me start to accept myself. Simply put, I found the peace of having somewhere to go within myself. It gave me inner strength and a dignity I had never experienced before.

The first time I saw Prem Rawat speak in person was at Olympia, London in 1980. It was quite a profound experience for me. I felt as if my heart was touched deeply for the very first time.

For the next 30 years, I practiced the techniques of Self-Knowledge. The experience was a very good one. It gave me a wonderful feeling and a peaceful place to go to inside of myself – a place that was consistently there for me in spite of my mind’s wandering thoughts and distractions.

I was very grateful for this. It centered me in a way that I had never known before, growing up as I did in a chaotic, traumatic environment.

For the next few years, I continued to see Prem Rawat at various events. Getting there was always a challenge for me, but very rewarding. My daughter used to tell me that even though she missed me when I was gone, she always noticed how happy I was when I returned home.

Then quite suddenly in 2010, I stopped practicing Self-Knowledge.

A series of traumatic events had happened in my life at that time that threw me into chaos and confusion. I lost everything that was familiar to me: my home, my work and my relationship. I ended up living alone, isolated, poor and frightened in London.

Somehow, I had come to believe that the Divine was outside of me…

For the next 14 years, I struggled to find myself. The traumas from my childhood had reared their ugly heads, requiring me to do a lot of healing and letting go.

Throughout those 14 very difficult years, despite all the chaos I was experiencing, I always felt that I was somehow being protected, even in dangerous situations.

The huge gap in me that I experienced from not practicing Self-Knowledge pushed me to search in other areas. I also tried other meditations from some popular UK teachers.

As I thought more about my life at that time, I realized that my religious upbringing had been very indoctrinating, and I had grown up feeling unworthy as a human being. Somehow, I had come to believe that the Divine was outside of me or up there or was only to be found in a priest or a bishop.

These old beliefs of mine left a deep imprint that needed to be released. All I was experiencing those days were beliefs. I was not having my own experience of life. I was feeling fear, but not love.

I wrote a lot to help me understand what was going on in me. I searched out people who could help me heal from my hyper-vigilant fear. I challenged my old beliefs. I moved from London to the country and spent a lot of time in nature. And I continued with the practices I had recently found.

Just a few months ago, much to my surprise, I heard about Prem Rawat’s Peace Education Program and started looking into it. What I discovered  impressed me very much – especially the value of helping the disenfranchised, including people in prison who can learn to change their lives from the inside out.

How great it is that Prem Rawat has created something for people who have lost their way for one reason or another, people who had grown up in traumatic circumstances ruled by addictions, violence, abuse and neglect.

The more I thought about the Peace Education Program, the more I began to feel that the meditation I had been practicing every day for the past six years was not taking me to the place I remembered when practicing Self-Knowledge. Indeed, it was a practice that involved a lot of mind steps to follow and sometimes my head would hurt from it and give me headaches.

Practicing Self-Knowledge helped me start
to accept myself.

So, I contacted an old friend and asked about what resources were available for me to get back in touch with Prem and Self-Knowledge. That’s when I started watching videos of Prem on YouTube, as well as the Lockdown Series and TimelessToday.

Slowly, it began dawning on me that over the past few years I had been filling myself up with all kinds of information, but was now finding that I preferred listening to Prem Rawat.

Bottom line, I wanted to simplify what I was listening to. That’s when I decided to stop my other complicated meditations and begin practicing Self-Knowledge again.

A very different feeling has come into my life since I made this choice. I am now feeling more myself. I am also feeling confident in who I am and the choices I am making. Things are becoming much simpler. It is such a relief.

Recently, I bought Prem’s Rawat’s book Hear Yourself: How to Find Peace in a Noisy World. It is such a privilege to read it. The humanity of the man is endearing and comforting to me. It’s a human book with a message that he is able to communicate in many different ways.

During the chaotic time in my life when I stopped practicing Knowledge, I let go of all the photos I had collected of him over the past 30 years. However, I did manage to keep a small, beautiful picture of him smiling and looking happy. It is now in a frame. I also kept one CD, River of Breath.

All of what I’ve been describing in this story has happened to me during the past few months. It came unexpectedly, out of the blue.

I am so grateful that Prem Rawat is still here doing what he does in such a splendid way. I feel so lucky to have come through all of this and to be back moving towards my heart once again.

I cannot overestimate how sad I am at having lost those years with Prem and Knowledge –  to have been wandering in my own self-imposed wilderness. The joy of having Self-Knowledge back in my life again is above and beyond what I could have expected.

I am so grateful to Prem Rawat for being here, for still inspiring me to make that effort every day to go inside and meet the Divine, to know myself in the truest, most profound way.

So grateful I am to again to be learning about this precious gift within me!

I am now feeling more myself.
I am also feeling confident in who I am
and the choices I am making.

Related articles and links

Reflections  Self-Knowledge